Holy Cow Billy.

I started to write in a journal that my grandmother gave me like 10 years ago. Then I realized that it hurts my hand to write for an extended period of time and I can type about 900 words per minute. So. I'm typing my thoughts instead of writing them. So since the last time I wrote on my blog - pretty much everything has changed. I live in Charleston. I work from home. I lay on the couch watching episodes of Storage Wars with my boyfriend instead of laying on the same couch alone watching cheesy love themed movies on Hallmark {le sad}. I feel like so much has changed and I don't even know where to start. {1} I have nails. Like finger nails. I stopped biting them. They look real good. Seriously. Except for my right hand ring finger. That one broke. {2} I live with my boyfriend. I was filled with anxiety about this - but turns out - we went from not seeing each other for most of the month to seeing each other every day without any major hiccups. Stay tuned. {3} I'm taking Catholic classes. I know for anyone who knows me - this seems exceedingly surprising. I realize this and acknowledge the reasons why. To be perfectly honest, I kind of stopped "churching" for about 8 years (college and the first 4 years in Charlotte). When I started dating Matt - he got me back in church - which happened to be a Catholic one. I resisted at first - but I have found that I really enjoy going and I relate to the catholic church more than I did to nondenominational, methodist, etc. My college friend Ginni put it best when she said - "One God - Many Paths". I don't belittle anyone's path or try to force my own on anyone else, but I feel really confident about the path I am on and I am excited to make it "official" at the Easter vigil in April. {4} I started reading this book by Matthew Kelly called "The Rhythm of Life". He pretty much says he knows the meaning of life and it is to "become the best version of yourself". I can't tell you how much I have felt lost about this topic and how unbelievably life shattering reading this has been. I know that seems odd - once you hear it, you almost feel like - "well of course". But if you really stop and think - if you made every decision in life based on this fact - based on becoming the best version of yourself - you would truly become an amazing, kind, selfless person. As much as this has changed my perception of my life - it seems so daunting - I hardly know where to start. Changing behaviors that are learned and practiced over many years is not exactly as easy as just the same old same old. Its kind of like starting to exercise when you have done nothing or starting to talk to God when you haven't in 8 years...yeah. [Sidebar] Have you seen the Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawntreader? This movie is pretty much amazing and brings the entire reason C.S. Lewis wrote these books to the front. It helps children understand God as a person you can talk to and depend on and revere. That is the hardest thing for me - talking to God as if he were someone I can just have a conversation with. [End Sidebar]. So anyway, I'm going to attempt to start writing more often in lieu of writing in a journal. I need to continue cleaning out my new office so I leave you with this thought. "Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness." - Seneca

Clean Slate

This is the 2nd time I've wiped this blog clean. Can't seem to figure out what kind of blog it should be or what I would actually like to put out here. Have decided this blog has no theme and I'm going to use it to type all of the things I don't get to say because there isn't someone around to listen to me 24 hours a day.

I was reading an article in Skirt! magazine today about a girl who was at her friend's bridal shower. She described the scene as if it was pitiful and sad that this girl was excited to get fun kitchen stuff. Like it was some awful display of domestic surrender. Granted, I cannot identify with getting squealingly excited about kitchen crap. This is probably because my idea of cooking myself dinner is microwaving an Amy's frozen dinner and eating 3 sugar free Popsicles (15 calories!). Then I wake up in the morning and my lips are red and I'm like wtf? And then I remember that I have a problem. The problem is I go through a box of 24 Popsicles a week. But I digress. This girl was talking with complete disdain about the tradition of a bridal shower and how her friend was succumbing to the social constructs our society has put on her forcing her to feel like her life isn't complete until she takes someone's last name. The article was kind of depressing. Just because someone doesn't believe in marriage doesn't mean that the people that do get married are just doing it because they feel like they have to. I have read some interesting books/articles about marriage recently and I find that the major theme is that the key to a good marriage is making it what you want to be and not what you think it should be. Clearly I am not expert having never been married myself, but in general I feel like every time I try to make my life, my job, my choices what I think others think they should be things go terribly awry. {Tangent} Do you ever feel like you can see the life you want, but its like a million years away? I have struggled to figure out what I want out of life ever since I could make real decisions about what to do, where to go, etc. Seems like it is kind of a moving target, but it always feels like it is just out of reach. Is that just a testament to the fact that I am never satisfied or that I can never pull the trigger to go and do the things I want to do and go to the places I want to go? I think maybe the latter {End Tangent}. So the article made me think that this woman has an issue with thinking that others' choices in some way should align with her beliefs. Wake up little Suzie. Probly not.

In conclusion, it does not say RSVP on the statue of liberty.

Thank you very much.